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The Tale of Four

A few days ago, actress¬†Gabourey Sidibe released her short film “The Tale of Four.” The film is part of Refinery29’s Shatterbox Anthology film.

The purpose of this series is to highlight films by women directors. This is Sidibe’s directorial debut.

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting much from the film. “The Tale of Four” is a take on Nina Simone’s “Four Women.” Now, folks who know this song, know this is one of Simone’s most iconic gems. The song stays on rotation in Black women’s playlist for revolution. Folks still get chills from Kelly Price, Marsha Ambrosius, Jill Scott,¬†¬†Ledisi rendition of this song at 2010 Black Girls Rock.¬†Ledisi appears as “Aunt Sarah” in the film.

Well, the joke was on me. By the end of the 20-minute short, I was near tears. Sidibe managed to bring a contemporary spin on the characters of¬† Simone’s song. She portrayed the women as complex people. No one is all good or bad.

Aunt Sarah-is taking care of her sister’s children after her sister goes to prison for shooting Sarah’s abusive partner.¬† Despite this sacrifice,¬† Aunt Sarah struggles with keeping the children or placing them in foster care. She feels obligated, but overwhelmed. She loves them, but wants her life back.

Safronia-is a light-skinned biracial woman. She’s harassed by Black peers for her skin color, but she gives as good as she gets. She refers to one of her tormentors as a “burnt bitch.” Safronia demands her dark-skinned mother tell her who her father is. The mother breaks down and tells her daughter how she was conceived. She was raped by a white man. Safronia goes to her mother and hugs her. It was a powerful moment. Black women sexual assault survivors rarely get unspoken love/support.¬† Also, it wasn’t the clich√© story of the “confused” biracial, rather acknowledging the pain of the mother.

Sweet Thing– is a sex worker. She’s not ashamed of what she does.¬† She enjoys it, but would like respect from her client.¬†¬†She’s a talented woman. She sings with a husky voice, plays the piano. When¬†she picks up the phone and apologizes for an argument. Of course, it’s the client. The man she really wants to be with. Or so you think.. When she opens the door to a Black woman holding flowers, and they bashfully hold hands. You realize Sweet Thing wants a different kind of love to fill her heart.

Peaches-is the Black mother grieving her child killed by police. She represents Black Lives Matter, the protest of the flag/anthem, the resistance of white supremacy. Peaches is Lesley McSpadden, Sybrina Fulton, Samaria Rice, Geneva Reed-Veal, and more (sadly). More importantly, Peaches is the symbolic revenge of Black mothers. I recently read an article how the narrative of Black people abused by the police/white oppression is that of forgiveness. We are expected to forgive the transgressions against us. Peaches rejects that notion. She knows she will suffer when takes her revenge, but it helps her heal.

“The Tale of Four” was wonderful. It makes the Nina Simone film with Zoe Saldana in blackface, even more insulting.¬† This brilliant songstress deserves more than that. Sidibe redeems Simone’s honor with her film.

Black Mothering Over 40

My little one will be turning two soon. It just seems like yesterday,  I was holding him in my arms for the first time.

I’m an old mama. I had my son when I was 41. ¬†I never wanted children. I didn’t think motherhood was for me. I liked being on my own. Life happens, though.

It’s been an interesting experience. I tend to liken my parenting skills to an episode on The Simpsons.

Homer realizes he has been a horrible parent. He decides to make it up to Bart and Lisa. Of course, he bumbles his way through, making things worse. Finally, Bart fed up with the shenanigans, tells his dad “Your half ass under-parenting was better than your half ass over-parenting.” Homer replies sadly, “But I’m using my whole ass.”¬†

Once you decide to become a parent, you will be making a huge sacrifice. This sacrifice is even more jarring when you are older. You have spent the majority of your life doing whatever the hell you wanted to do. Those days are over. I’ve learned to accept these things since becoming a mother.

  1. You will always be tired.¬†A good friend (also an older mom), warned me that I will never sleep again. When you are having your child, you roll your eyes at folks who tell you this. After all, YOU will be different. You will have that kid on a schedule. Ha, ha! The joke’s on me. I haven’t slept well since, uh the kid was born.
  2. ¬†You will constantly be in battle with patience.¬†While pregnant, I reassured myself that it would all work out. I’m older. I would be more patient. I would never be like those moms in the store with bulging eyes and throbbing neck veins, frustrated with their children. That lasted 2.5 seconds. Kids are not an extension of you. They are their own people with their own thoughts emotions, etc. They can and will work your nerves.
  3. You will question why you did it.¬†In our society, mothers are expected to romanticize¬†parenthood. Nope. The truth is, I question all the time if I did the right thing. ¬†When you have a child, it’s not just about cute clothes, Disneyland trips, etc., it’s about raising a well-rounded human being. What’s messed up, despite giving your all, the kid could still grow up to dislike you. I know so many folks who don’t talk to their parents. You never know how it’s going to turn out.

Continue reading “Black Mothering Over 40”

The Strength of a Woman

Mary J Blige¬†(MJB)¬†released her album “Strength of a Woman” this past May. Like any good groupie, I got the album. To be honest, I only listened to it here and there. These are busy times. What I heard was decent. Generally, MJB tends to put out good albums. However, the other day I had a little down time and really listened to “Strength…” The album is actually pretty solid. It’s a reflective collection of music backed with heartfelt singing and killer production. It’s an amazing adult contemporary album for Black women in my age group (the Gen-Xers).

When it was announced that Mary was divorcing her husband of 12 years, folks said “uh, oh. Mary is going to be crying again on her next album.” Mary is known for singing about her relationships. As a die-hard fan of Mary of the 25+ years she’s been in the music industry, ¬†I’ve come to the realization Mary is just a sensitive person. She wears her heart on her sleeve. I find her willingness to be vulnerable a rarity. The truth is, ¬†love is some complicated mess. We all want it, whether we admit it or not. We want that deep love, that Love Jones love, that real love. I think Mary wants it more than anyone and it makes sense knowing her history. She has talked about being molested as a child, an on and off again relationship with her father, drug addiction, and relationship with guys who just didn’t know what to do with a girl/woman like Mary J Blige.

I remember in an interview, Mary talked about when she was a kid, other kids would fight to see who could sit by her or be her friend. She also recalled a time a teacher asked her to sing to help settle down the class, and it worked. There is something about Mary. I think because she’s an old/tender soul, that she has had to camouflage with street swag. The survival story of most Black women.

 

 

In the early years, a young Mary covered her eyes/was hiding. By mid-career (No More Drama, The Breakthrough) she was growing more confident. Now, with her 13th album, she is boldly proclaiming ¬†“f*ck it, I’m Mary J Blige!” by sitting on her throne.¬†

Listening to the new album, yes Mary J is brokenhearted again. But unlike the other times she’s shared about failed love/the rhetoric of loving one’s self…she seems to have had a true epiphany of “oh well, shit happens. but¬†i’m gonna be alright.”¬†¬†The thing I love about Mary, is that she is constantly evolving. Mary has maintained she is a work in progress. Even when she got married and thought she found the love of her life, she warned folks that there is never really any happy endings. You always have to put in the work to be a better person.

While Mary has made some faux pas over the years (still cringing over that Burger King commercial and singing for Clinton), overall she’s been an inspiring person. She has been an iconic image for Black women like me who grew up in the 70’s/80’s. The 40-something¬†Black women who know a little bit more about life than we did in our 20’s, but still learning and growing. Rock on MJB.

My current favorite song from “Strength…”

Southside with You

I kind of forgot about the film “Southside with You.” Maybe it’s because the movie had a limited theater release, ¬†so it came and went rather quickly. The Obamas¬†were still occupying the White House when it came out. Why go see a movie when you could witness their love in real life? Perhaps, the film would’ve done better if it were released now. Folks have already started to wax nostalgia for the Obamas after the ridiculousness of #45 and camp.

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I finally watched the film for the first time. It was interesting. ¬†The film was directed by Richard Tanne, a white man. He did a decent job in capturing Black life, but it may explain why Mrs. Obama’s character was so harsh. Men directors (regardless of race) seem to rarely know what to do with Black female characters. ¬†I know the story was trying to capture the precarious situation Mrs. Obama was in by starting a relationship with Obama. She was his boss. She was Black and a woman, fighting daily misogynoir in her office. She couldn’t afford to mess up. However, the film depicted her as overly cautious and rigid and even obnoxious.

When the Obamas ran for their first presidency, Michelle often displayed a humorous, tell it like it is persona. She was witty and smart and you rooted for her more than you did Obama (well, I did anyway ūüôā Then politics got a hold of her, and soon she was forced to play a subdued First Lady role. ¬†We got to see the real Michelle again on January 19th, 2017. I would’ve liked to see more of a well-rounded image of her in the movie. Yet, Barack’s character was allowed to ooze charm. Interesting, as it’s Michelle who actually gives him his flavor (to me anyway ūüôā If you ever observed them on television, it was she who would get up and start grooving or singing or just having fun and he would follow along.

The movie wasn’t horrible, it opens the doors for other directors take on the loving relationship of the Obamas. ¬†“Southside…” actually made me want to see a movie on Michelle’s life. The father she sweetly speaks about, her brother, the expectations placed upon her growing up…how she truly felt about it. The racism and sexism she had to endure during her college years. ¬†The fact that she and Barack, actually planned to divorce at one time. I think it was due to her having to put her career on the back burner, so he could shine in politics. ¬†I guess in the end, she made history. But most women never really forget their dreams.